Friday, September 11, 2015

Kafkasque

I am coming to terms with the reality, with the fact that I'm mediocre that I am not special in anyway I wish to be.

I am just another guy with the same limited set of skills that most have and will lead an uneventful, ordinary life, if lucky I'll get a job which are hard to come by, doing something which can be done by millions of guys who have the same degree as me and are equally or more skilled, and maybe in future, robots Will be used for what I would do.

I realise that I'm just playing different characters, at home I am " the son" , maybe if we tweak my parents minds to accept a well earning, grateful, well behaved and educated robot as their son , they won't even notice any difference, in other places I am "the friend"  but, who are we kidding here?

everything and everyone is replaceable even friendship, even love, there too it's rather easy to let go off me , it's tough to let go of the idea of me but not me, so the question here is what to do when you find yourself in a position like me, the answer is simple and it comes in various sizes from .22 to 1 and ironically they are all measured in caliber funny how that sounds so much like calibre, and you will see that a lot of people would volunteer to help you, give you reasons to live, say that you matter to them, but no don't give in to this honey trap, again it's their love for the idea of you not for you, they'll look for a light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel of your soul but that's the extent to which even the most benevolent go, to the range their eyes permit them to look, they don't love you enough to risk getting lost in the dark finding the light that may or may not be hidden.

you'll hear things about change, about the prospect of letting go, they'll preach travel and spirituality, basically anything to keep your mind off the fact that you are what you are and maybe it's good, but they'll never stop expecting you to improve
You'll always be rated, graded, you'll be told of many things which you can be!

But, is it worth it?

You can deceive them easily, pose as a optimistic person, smile and say you would never give up and see how it works, but deep inside you will know what you are, who you are

So my question is do you have the courage to do the needful? , to be a martyr of your sanity, we live in a world where being opaque and insensitive is a virtue, where brilliance is accepted and mediocrity is celebrated, where you'll be taught the concepts of entropy and nonchalance  will render you a charisma, you will be implored to be vulnerable, but the moment you do that you will be helped, counseled and fed notions of how it's a dog eat dog world, of how only the fittest survive, the world will teach you how wrong it is to kill and still cheer for the gladiator drenched in blood, you'll see how the sum of your life is spent doing things which serve no one but you and yours

So I again implore you to answer the question I asked, to resolve this dilemma I have
It's either I live long enough to be cured and be one of them, the kind who sleep content and in peace with the fact that everything is temporary and replaceable, even you, or do I die!

Yes, die as the last sane person.