The Reluctant Romeo

The Reluctant Romeo

Well, to start with the conversation, I would like to share a little something about me, I am a creature of habit, you see, I believe that planning is what makes you human, so it really annoys me when people around me seem  so eager to change, you see I like stability, I appreciate order and uniformity, I have been buying the same type of clothes, stationary for ten years, I believe in minimalism.

I work as a Data Analyst in a finance firm and to describe my job title, I would say that , even my boss hardly understands my work, but he sure values me, as I keep the revenues flowing.

Anyhow, you see I take precisely two breaks during my six hour shift, all of them are spent by first taking a drink of water at the cooler beside the inverter, followed by a sandwich, so imagine my plight, when I came to know that the office was being ‘renovated’ , I thought that why can't we just ‘repair’ why on earth should anyone renovate a perfectly functional thing

Anyways, I took my usual trip to the cooler, which by the way was only used by me  because , it was the only cooler present,  when I joined the office, it was now a crammed corner with photocopiers and what not, and to add to my misery, along with the already existing noisy inverter , were installed reflecting window panes, I filled my glass and at that precise moment ,  I saw her face,  reflected from the glass .

I knew I was straight, but honestly never yearned commitment, until I saw her, the word ‘beautiful’ ,  for me , had been just one of the words men use to describe proportionate women, but something about her, in spite of being an analyst , I could not comprehend it , attracted me to her, I cancelled out carnal ambition , because she was rather average looking, I cancelled out any involuntary  response to perfume etc. because I couldn't smell any , I don’t understand , but for some strange reason, I yearned for her attention

I walked back to my desk, and halfway through  I realized for the first time in ten years of my tenure , I was returning thirsty , yet somehow it felt great, in the days which followed, I noticed some change in me, I was picking clothes, I took a conscious effort to look good, although my quirks did not entirely leave me , I was still mad about order and non-randomness

But now I visited the  water cooler more often, there have been moments , when I felt that she looked back at me, I can't say for sure , maybe she was just glancing away from the computer screen , but I thought or rather I hoped that we saw each other, I noticed the most trivial of her habits, she always kept a fresh batch of jasmine on her desk, and I thought “hey that’s something we have in common she also has her own idiosyncrasy”.

One day I found her seat empty, I inquired about her and came to know that she was laid off, I seriously wanted to sucker punch the HR guy but I somehow controlled my anger, and still  out of habit , visited the cooler, I glanced at the glass , at her desk , and no matter how much I drank, I felt thirsty, just then at that pristine moment , I found  a jasmine  on the glass tray

I like to think it was from her, I like the thought of her noticing me, to think that she too felt something, but I never inquired further, you may ask “ why are you being so naive ?, why don’t you find her on Facebook, clear it out , the reason is that ‘ I don’t want to’. I want to savor the hope that she liked me, you see if it is a misconception or coincidence, so be it , I  want to live in that trance forever, for the first time I acted illogically, but for the first time I felt human, see , that’s the power of naivety , you can be happy , not knowing something  that may possibly  be hurtful. Even if it meant nothing, it opened  a portal of emotions in me, I have become more social, she without ever uttering a word, invoked a desire in me , to be a better man, I am more caring and sensitive now , so that the next time I meet her, or the next time that same sensation resonates within me

I will be ready.